u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
i don’t like talking with people about emotional stuff because then they learn things about me and get to know me and can defeat me
A woman was left gobsmacked when she learned the gold ring she stumbled across in a field was 2,000 years old.